Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Photo Stamping

At first blush, this Photo Stamp thing sounded like a really swell idea. At long last, I thought, We the People would have the means to address the Postal Service’s many oversights in selecting stamp art.

Why, for example, have my childhood role models Heckle & Jeckle never appeared on an official U.S. stamp? Or The Three Stooges? And what about other almost equally deserving folks like The Kingsmen, Zorro, Zatoichi, Jim Bowie, Lance Casebeer, Alfred E. Newman and Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Thankfully, I thought, the tyranny had ended. For a mere $16.99 plus $2.99 S/H, I was led to believe, I could now get 20 stamps depicting anything I wanted from

Then I read the fine print. Lots of fine print. Some of the restrictions were to be expected, even if bothersome. No nudity or violence, for example. No politicians or other criminals.

Also banned is material that is obscene, offensive, blasphemous, pornographic, unlawful, deceptive, threatening, menacing, abusive, harmful, an invasion of privacy or publicity rights, supportive of unlawful action, defamatory, libelous, vulgar, illegal, or otherwise objectionable. And of course any material that contains or depicts sexually explicit or sexually suggestive material, rude or obscene material, graphic violence or illegal activities, celebrities or celebrity likenesses, regional, national or international leaders, current or former world leaders, or newsworthy, notorious or infamous images and individuals. And a few additional categories, covering such stuff as copyrighted material and child pornography.

So what can you put on the ding dang things? Babies, pre-teens, pets, animals, business and charity logos, landscapes, wildlife and vehicles. That’s it. Subject to all the other restrictions, of course. And just in case anyone is confused after studying the list of banned material, the site adds the following line in extra bold print:
No images depicting teenage or adult persons will be accepted.

So, unfortunately, none of my correspondents or creditors will be seeing the above-pictured stamps any time soon. All three subjects are obviously disqualified on the grounds of being adult persons as well as notorious or infamous celebrities.

Gee. Wow. I can hardly wait to have stamps made of my cats. Real soon now.


Blogger Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Thank goodness that Rock Star stamp is obscene. I'd hate to see any images of that bloated idiot uneashed on an unsuspecting public.

September 14, 2004 at 10:08 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Famous author? Hahahahahahaha! Anyway, I'm glad to discover another Heckle and Jeckle fan. I still have the Heckle & Jeckle salt and pepper shakers I bought when I was about nine years old.

September 15, 2004 at 6:54 AM  

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