Monday, September 13, 2004

Secrets of Time Travel Revealed!

Just got the latest Johnson Smith Co catalog, the one titled “Things You Never Knew Existed…” Gotta admit, I do always see one or two. My favorite this time is this how-to manual on time travel. Here's the blurb:

"Strap yourselves in, folks, and take a journey into the unknown. Former military intelligence operative offers safe, simple and proven ways to travel through time. Using secrets of ancient mystics and methods allegedly perfected by covert U.S. military agencies, you can visit the past or future whenever you choose. Shows you how to cross dimensions, enter vortex and window areas and successfully break the barriers of time and space. Change your life by using ancient and modern secrets of time travel. 160 pages."

Looks like a steal at only $14.98 (plus $3.98 shipping). One quick trip to the future, say for the score of next year’s Superbowl, and it would pay for itself many times over.

The ad doesn’t address any of those pesky paradoxes raised by fictional time travel, like what happens if you meet yourself? and can you change the past? and would that screw up the present? and are there timecops out there to dissuade you from doing that stuff? And it doesn’t even hint at my big question – can I bring stuff back with me? Like pulps and movie posters from the 30s, comics from the 40s, cap guns from the 50s and Marx sets from the 60s, or fancy gadgets from the future. I’d also like to know if I can take some of my junk from the present to the future and sell it for a fortune.

Guess I’ll have to fork over the twenty bucks and find out. If I don’t like the book, I can always travel back to the moment before I placed the order. Or can I?

Damn. It’s another of those pesky paradoxes.


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